Quick Connections; Deep Bonds

I’ve been living out of my backpack in Latin America for over 8 months now. 

In some ways it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, but in other ways I feel like I have lived many lives during that time.

I’ve seen some beautiful places, experiences some incredible adventures, but the most amazing part of this journey has been the connections I’ve made. Some of these connections will undoubtedly be strengthened and nurtured as I flow through life, while others were only momentary, with people I will likely never see or speak to again - and I am so, SO grateful for them all.

This last month or so has been very internal for me – I’ve been focusing my energy inwards and haven’t been seeking out attention or engagement from others. Even so, connections appear when and as they are needed. It’s really, truly beautiful, and it’s really let me open up and see others as my mirror, to encounter each person I meet as my greatest teacher (advise that a wise woman who I have so much love for shared with me). Part of that has been seeing myself as my own greatest teacher – each time I talk about something I believe in or experience or think, I get a deeper appreciation, understanding, or perspective on it.

When we are caught up in our routine, what some people might call the ‘real world’, we often wind up connecting to others on superficial levels more frequently than we allow ourselves the time and energy to find more depth. There are many reasons why this happens, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. We talk about the weather with the woman at the supermarket, the rugby game with our friends at the pub, the latest project we’ve been chipping away at for work with our family.

Few and far between are the deeper conversations, about life and love, about the questions we ask ourselves to grow and the answers we’ve found that are unexpected. Those who do manage to have this discussions more regularly often make a conscious effort to do so.

But when we’re travelling, especially when we’re travelling alone, those deep conversations seem to happen more frequently. Perhaps there is less fear of being judged since the people we talk to often aren’t a part of our lives for long and have no connection to us outside of the present moment. Perhaps there is more curiosity in encountering others from far-away places with realities that look completely different from our own. Or maybe it’s a sense of validation when we meet someone so different from us who experiences many of the same struggles, goals, and desires. Whatever it is, I love it.

It’s not that superficial conversations don’t happen – they certainly do, and quite often. And it’s not that they’re bad, or wrong – they definitely are not. I really feel like small talk is an art, and really admire those who have mastered it. I, however, am not skilled in that area. In fact, I can come off as pretty stand-offish because I can be so bad at initiating conversations. But once I get going about something that sparks a deeper fire it’s hard to get me to stop talking, and that deeper fire is usually ignited by deeper (& often super personal) topics.

Last week I was sitting with my laptop in the restaurant at the ecolodge I am working at, finishing up a video for my virtual studio, and one of the guests that I met briefly a few hours before sat down across from me. His intent was to ask me about Ecuador since I told him that’s where I was coming from, but once we started talking the conversation went deep, quick.

We talked about love, about what it means to us to be in a relationship, about how to balance the art of being present in this moment and planning for the future, especially when there is someone else involved. We talked about the magic of having children and the challenges to our sense of freedom that family can bring. We shared similar stories of questioning whether our lives were really being lived freely, with choice, or if we were just going through the actions, walking a path that’s been laid out for us without questioning other options. We celebrated each other’s decision to put our own needs first and we shared our versions of the spiritual path we are walking. And at the end, I gave him the recommendations he was looking for.

The next night we went even deeper, walking through the jungle under the stars and before we knew it three hours had passed, and both of us had a new perspective on our relationships, healing process, and greater potential.

Will we keep in touch? Will I ever see him again? Probably not, but you never know. Either way, the words and the feelings we exchanged will say with me.

How often had those conversations come up in my daily life before? I would consider myself a pretty open and curious person and would always love to seek out these connections. Yet, even with my closest friends, we might have only touched on those topics after a few glasses of wine or when some life-altering event happened, leaving no other option than to question everything.

If you’re someone like me with a longing for meaningful conversations and beautiful connections, but maybe you feel like the depth you seek isn’t currently present in your daily life, maybe challenge yourself to be the change you want to see. Think of one question you resonate with that has the potential to open the doors to a greater depth, and ask someone you’re close with to discuss it with you. Then ask another person, and another. Maybe start finding new questions, new topics. When it feels uncomfortable, take a breath, maybe take a break, and then come back to it.

There is a powerful skill in being able to express thoughts, feelings, and world views through words, and I’ve been enjoying the (often uncomfortable) journey. It’s one that I look forward to continuing.